You don’t have a communication problem

You have a connection problem.

According to communication expert Erin Bentley, most divorces, for example, don’t happen because of communication problems. They happen because of lack of a connection. Solid connection makes relationships closer, stronger, deeper, richer, more fulfilling and secure.

This applies to all communication — at work, with your family, with anyone. Try this: do two things at once. Listen to what they are saying, but also listen for what they are saying they need. The deeper need. Do they need reassurance you love them? Do they need reassurance you are there for them?

You can use humor in this situation to ease tension and encourage transparency, but it is tricky. Listen closely to what they are really saying. Only make light of yourself and your realization of their feelings. You might something silly like, “Wow, for a guy who graduated from junior high school on time, I’ve been really dumb here.” Don’t be afraid to be corny because you’re not really going for a laugh, you are keeping things light so they feel safe and communication flows.